Just Between Coaches – Episode 133
Embracing the Inner Journey (Sandy Bartlett)
Sandy Bartlett: One of the questions that I love to ask, and I learned this actually in my training, is that you ask a question and somebody will say, well, I don’t know. And then you say, well, if you did know, what would the answer be? I love being able to ask that question because it just gets their thought process going.
Melinda Cohan: Imagine you’re a budding coach with dreams of making waves in the industry. How do you stand out and forge genuine connections with your clients? Today, we’re diving into transformative aspect of coaching, self-discovery coaching that might just be the game changer you’ve been seeking in your practice.
I’m Melinda Cohan and you’re listening to Just Between Coaches. I run a business called the Coaches Console and we’re proud to have helped tens of thousands of coaches create profitable and thriving businesses. This is a podcast where we answer burning questions that newer coaches would love to ask a more experienced coach. Today’s episode promises an engaging conversation as we talk about self-discovery coaching. By the end of this episode, you’ll hopefully not only have answers to burning questions, but also insights and inspiration to embrace the transformative power of self-discovery in your coaching journey.
My guest today is no stranger to guiding transformative journeys. Sandy Bartlett, the founder and CEO of Sandy Bartlett Coaching. She specializes in empowering women through self-discovery and with expertise in EFT tapping, Sandy brings a unique blend of techniques to her coaching practice. Welcome, Sandy.
Sandy: Thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here.
Melinda: I’m excited to have you on the show and I’m looking forward to exploring this conversation. But before we do, would you mind sharing just a little bit of your background with our listeners?
Sandy: Sure. After spending 30 plus, probably close to 40 years in human resources, I was ready to leave corporate but didn’t want to just do nothing. So I started researching and came across the health coach institute and it appealed to me to get a coaching certification. I am actually dual certified as a health coach and life coach. And so I thought initially I would do consulting. But I have loved coaching so much, I’ve scrapped the whole consulting thing and I focus solely on coaching women around confidence.
Melinda: So today we’re going to be talking about self-discovery coaching. So what is exactly a self-discovery coach? And I mean, there’s so many different niches out there or different descriptors that you can give to yourself as a coach. Let’s start there. What’s a self-discovery coach?
Sandy: My focus initially was on confidence, and it still is to a certain degree. But what I realized through the process and as I was working with clients and even on my own journey was that there’s so many aspects to self. You know, there’s the self-knowledge, self-exploration, self-talk, self-compassion, self-love. And what I realized is that if you work on those areas, self-esteem, self-worth, the self confidence is a natural byproduct. And so I switched several months ago and created, actually, an assessment tool. I call it a self-assessment wheel, which is kind of based on the wheel of life that some of your listeners may be familiar with, but they can evaluate themselves in eight different areas of self so we can look at where is it that they, you know, struggle and then come up with a game plan.
So self-discovery focuses on guiding clients to really deeply understand themselves, their values, their beliefs. It’s unique in that it prioritizes, really, the journey inward, unlike a lot of forms of coaching that really probably start more outward, like career and fitness. But even in those aspects, if you’re doing career, fitness, business, whatever, all of those have an element of an inner journey. And so I just spend my time on that inner journey because I believe it is so important.
Melinda: I was talking with my team about this same concept. There’s a question that we ask our students, and we ask ourselves as a team whenever we set a goal or an intention or have a desire, who do we need to become for that to be a reality? And when I was thinking about our conversation today, that really takes you to the inner work, that inner journey you’re talking about.
My team and I, here we are, we’re putting all of our projects in place. We’re about to have a half-day session brainstorming project. And I was talking to the team and saying, okay, you know, we’re going to come up with strategies and tactics and set goals and milestones and benchmarks, and we’re going to have all that in place, and that’s one aspect of it. But we also have to answer the question, who do we need to be for that to be a reality? And so that’s what I think of as self-discovery coaching, like you said, that inner journey, that inner work that we have to do.
Sandy: Absolutely. And I work with women, and I have a group on Facebook that is filled with women who struggle with speaking up for themselves, with setting those boundaries, with being authentically who they are. I was one of those people. I retired two years ago. I guess it’s been or no, actually, it was a year ago. But what I learned and what I realized is that I was so tired of everybody telling me who to be and what to be. And it was like, okay, no, I need to be me. And even I’ve worked with a number of different coaches, and I’ve gotten value out of every single one of them. But it was also, for me, it was kind of like, take all that information, but then do it my way.
Melinda: Yeah.
Sandy: Do what feels good to me. And so many of us, we have a tendency to, and I was one of them. I used to call myself a chameleon. Just go with the flow. Don’t walk the boat. Just do whatever’s going to make everybody else happy. We tend to put ourselves last on the list, if we’re even on our list at all.
Melinda: Yeah.
Sandy: So that’s why it’s just so important to put that message out there that we all have value. We were born worthy, and we need to embrace that and utilize that and be who we were born to be, rather than what somebody else told us to be.
Melinda: Beautiful. You call it being a chameleon. Way back, like, it seems like lifetimes ago, I talked about wearing the different masks. This was way before I even started my coaching business. This is way before I even knew what coaching was or that it was even a thing. So we’re talking, I don’t know, 25, 26 years ago, and I would put on a different mask if I was with my family or if I was with friends or at church, at work. Different masks. I showed up who I needed to be, how I thought they needed I to show up, and I did a great job at everything I did.
And then one day, I was like, hold up a second. And, you know, there’s this movie. I think this is one of the greatest examples of self-discovery, and it’s the Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. Have you seen that movie?
Sandy: Love that movie.
Melinda: Oh, my God. I love it. Total chick flick, alert to all of our listeners because my favorite scene is at the very end of that movie. Julia Roberts, she has gone through I don’t even know how many different guys, and she runs away at the altar. And all through the movie, there’s this through line, and you see this whenever they show her with one of the different fiancés that she’s engaged to, they’re having breakfast. And the server, the waiter asks, how do you like your eggs? And she always loves them the way the guy loves them. That’s her favorite way to love eggs.
And you’re like, how can you love eggs that many ways? And you see that she actually doesn’t like the eggs that way, but she still goes with it. And at the very end of the movie, she’s sitting down at a table and she has made eggs in every way possible. And she picks up a fork and it’s like, that’s what we need to know. We need to know what we like, how we like it for ourselves first before we pursue any goal or desire or intention that we have. And I think that’s such a fun example of self-discovery woven into a movie.
Sandy: I love that example, and I can relate to it from the standpoint of I remember when my first husband decided he didn’t want to be married anymore and my friend dragged me to the singles event. She dragged me to the singles event. I was pretty newly divorced at that point. Somebody asked me, what do you like to do? I had no idea. It was at that moment I realized that my entire identity was wrapped up in what he liked to do and what he enjoyed. I probably spent the next 10, 11 years figuring out, what do I like to do? You know?
Melinda: Yeah. Yeah. It’s a beautiful spot to live from, and it does take a while to get there, which is why self-discovery coaching is so powerful. Now, you mentioned earlier that there’s eight areas of self. Would you be willing to share all eight or maybe some of them just to give our listeners an idea of the different realms that we’re looking at here?
Sandy: Sure. What I talk about in my coaching and what’s on my wheel, there’s self-exploration, there’s self-knowledge, there’s self-love, self-compassion, self-care, self-esteem, self-worth. I’m up to seven. I’m missing one. And while they’re all interwoven, you know, they cross paths. They’re also somewhat separate.
Melinda: Yeah.
Sandy: And you can dive into each one, you know, individually.
Melinda: And so for those new to coaching, what are some of the ways that they can integrate this into their practice? How do they go about that? Are there specific tools or methods that a coach can use to guide someone through unearthing their true, authentic selves?
Sandy: There’s a variety of ways. I believe if you go through a coach training program, they provide you with different training tools. I went through health coach institute and I had my toolbox, but I’m at a point where I tend to kind of do things more intuitively, depending on the needs of the client. It can be a variety of things. I’ve used journal prompts, visualizations and meditations, and, you know, just a variety of different things. Yesterday, I was working with a client and she struggles with anger management. And a couple weeks ago, when we had a session, she had had a bad day, and we talked through it.
So yesterday, when we had our session, I worked with her, and I gave her some simple tools that are about self-care for your mental health when you’re having a bad day. And it was as simple as, first of all, whenever something happens, okay, what am I feeling right now? List out what your emotions are. And I had her go back to that particular situation that we had talked about, and even though she was beyond it, I said, go back. Think back to that time. So what were the emotions? One to five emotions you were feeling at that time.
Then think of one to five things that you could do right now that would make you feel much better. What it does is it changes the state of mind to get you out of the emotion of whatever you’re feeling. Anger, anxiety, frustration, you know, all of those things. And I just came across that recently, and I went, oh, my gosh, this is perfect for my client. And she loved it. I would say for any new coach, having a variety of tools in your toolbox to be able to pull those out when you need them for whatever’s going on with your client. I mean, I’ve worked with clients on visualizations going back to when they were a child. You know, maybe it’s something that came up from their childhood that they’ve completely, you know, forgotten about.
So it’s making sure that you have those tools available. I worked with another client that always had something, and so I always came in prepared with an activity based on what I knew her goals were. You need to know, where does your client want to go, what are they struggling with and where do they want to go? But I always had something prepared. We talked through those situations to help her get to a point of being able to speak up for herself, which is part of what I do in self-discovery is helping women use their voice with confidence, silencing that inner critic. And so it’s knowing what your focus is, but being open, in my opinion, to expanding where you need to work with whatever’s going on for that client.
Melinda: Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, there’s different tools for different niches, different tools for different personalities, different types of coaches. I think knowing those areas of self to explore, we can begin to find tools that can help us go into those areas. Now, earlier, you talked about the inner work, right? And that’s really where self-discovery coaching takes us as to the inner work. Do you also do the outer work? Do you work with your clients and goal setting and actions and accountability and helping them work through the obstacles that might get in the way so that they can be successful. Do you do the inner work and outer work, or do you only focus on the inner work?
Sandy: I do a little of both. When I work with a client, every session, they have action steps that they’ll cover. I typically meet every two weeks with the clients because it gives them some time to work through those things. But I also leave that up to the client. If they’d rather meet weekly, that’s up to them. But they walk away with those action steps, and it’s mutually agreed upon because I’m making notes as they’re talking and I’m coming up with, that’s a good action step for them. But then I always ask them, are these okay with you? Is there anything you want to add?
And sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. But to have those action steps, and then the first thing we do at the next session is to check in. How’d you do with your action steps? You know, I always start with celebrations. What? You know, what’s one thing we can celebrate? And then we go into, what are the challenges and obstacles that came up for you? Every session is different. Some clients have a lot of stuff that happened. Others like, no, I’m good. So always make sure I have something prepared in case they don’t have anything, because every client is different, but they all have action steps. And then I check in with them sometimes I’ll check in with them in between, or they might send me a question, but I always ask them at the beginning of the next session, how do you do with your action steps?
Melinda: Now, you mentioned a couple times, and I really love this. I want to pick up on this. You talk about how you prepare an activity based on what you know about the client. So going into any session, you’re prepared, and it might be different for each client, but you prepare something, whether you use that or bring it into the conversation or noy, you spend that time in advance thinking about the situation, the client, what, you know, where they want to go, and it’s like, okay, I think here’s an exercise or activity that we can bring to the conversation today. I love that you give that the forethought.
And, you know, way back in the day of the coaching industry, it used to be fine to just show up and listen and be present, have a great conversation. But coaching is very different these days. And I think there’s a lot of new coaches that are out there that still have this idea of, I just have to show up, and I let them lead the way, and then I’ll just coach. And I really love what you said about preparing something in advance for each client.
Sandy: I’ve always done that, and like I said, they’ve all been different, but I don’t want to ever feel like I’m at a point where it’s like, okay, well, now what do we talk about? Cause it’s all about them and what they need. But I go back and I look at the notes from the last session, depending on how many sessions we have had, I might go back and I look at more than that. Sometimes I’ll have gone back to the initial intake session where I’m asking them where they’re at, where they want to be, what’s stopping them, all of those types of things. The way my brain operates, I’m constantly looking at and looking for and paying attention to what I’m learning and what I’m getting out of it.
And I’ve always got those clients in the back of my mind of, oh, gosh, that would be great for this client or that client, and then I can bring that forward in our next session. I have a folder that I keep my notes in so they’re organized, and I can go back to them. I send them a copy of the notes so that they have it. I ask them if they want their session recorded, and I’ll send that to them. And some watch it and some don’t, but it’s completely up to them. It’s vital to have all that information and be prepared. Going in to know where it is we’re going in that session.
Melinda: Yeah. I think of it as that’s how I create the container and create the space for the client to show up in so that I can guide and navigate prompt as needed. Over the years, I did a lot of testing on, you know, what’s a good duration for a coaching session? And when I first started, it was an hour, and I was like, oh, my gosh, that’s so much time. When I first started, I was always going over the hour, but that was a boundaries issue. I worked that out. But what I discovered is that with the psychology behind this, an hour is almost too much. It’s like, oh, my gosh, we have so much time together, and so more time is actually wasted because there’s this sensation of more time.
30 minutes starts to create a sense of panic. It’s like, oh, God, I don’t have enough time. But 40- or 45-minutes sessions is like, we’ve got a good amount of time, we can get a lot done. The client feels that, the coach feels that. And the tip that we give to our students is, even though the session is 40 minutes, book an hour for your client, and that way you’ve got 15 or five minutes on each end to do the follow up and review the next client so that you’re reviewing the notes, you’re pulling out the notes, you’re looking at that. Where are they? Can you track the progress for any of the homework that they’ve submitted? Is there anything that you need to review?
So, that’s the tip that we share, is to build in that 15 minutes buffer so you can prepare for the next session, so you can prepare for that client, so you can review your notes or create that activity or that exercise, having that idea laid out whether you pursue it or not, you’ll see how the session unfolds. Let’s talk about challenges for a moment. In the realm of self-discovery coaching, what are some of the common stumbling blocks that clients face? And how can coaches help them navigate through some of those moments of uncertainty?
Sandy: Well, I think in any niche, it doesn’t matter that it’s self-discovery or some others, but anytime somebody is needing to make changes, we’re naturally objective to change. And so it’s that resistance to change, fear of the unknown, difficulty in confronting those uncomfortable truths. And it’s interesting because one of the clients, the one I was just talking about, like, two weeks ago, I kept asking her questions about this situation, and she finally said, I don’t want to talk about that anymore. I’m like, okay, so I dropped it, you know, but I brought it back up yesterday. I’m like, okay, let’s talk about that a little bit. You know, it’s that fine line, you know, balancing. Like, if they get to that point, not pushing so much that it is a total turn off for them.
And so it’s kind of knowing and feeling comfortable on your end of when to not push and when to push. And she was totally open to it. Oh, we can talk about it again. So, as coaches, it’s important for us to create that safe, nonjudgmental container for exploration in that tape practice. You know, it. It’s not something that you’re necessarily going to be adept at from the beginning. One of the questions that I love to ask, and I learned this, actually in my training, is that you ask a question and somebody will say, well, I don’t know. And then you say, well, if you did know, what would the answer be? I love being able to ask that question because it just gets their thought process going. But I would say the biggest stumbling block is that fear that they have and the resistance to change, which, you know, there’s a willingness in there somewhere or they wouldn’t have come to you and signed on to coach with you to begin with.
Melinda: Yeah. Are there any other challenges that you see that coaches should be aware of and how to navigate them?
Sandy: I would say your own internal fear. One of the things that I always think about is, what if they ask something or they say something or there’s the situation, and I don’t know what to say. I’ve never had that happen, by the way, but I always have that, that fear, which is part of why I do my homework and I do prep and I do have an activity that we can do because I don’t want to ever have that feeling that what do I say now? What do I do? You know? So I think it’s the coach’s own fears and getting over your own limiting beliefs.
Melinda: Oh, yeah.Being a coach is your own best self-help work right there.
Sandy: Oh, yeah.
Melinda: Because your clients are going to mirror exactly what you have going on. You know, one of my first coaches, she gave me a ton of great insight and wisdom, but one of the things she said is if you ever run into a situation where you’re working with a client and I, you’re like, oh, gosh, I do not know how to navigate this situation. She said, tell the client. And I was like, what?
And she’s like, no, no. You tell the client, and then you say this. You say, you know what? This is a different situation that I’ve not navigated before. Would it be okay if I took this to my mentor coach, I’ll protect your name and the confidentiality, but would it be okay if I took the situation and get some insight from someone who does have a bit more experience on how to navigate this? All of a sudden, I was like, oh, well, I can do that. I never really had to use it, but it gave me a sense of confidence that if it ever came up, I knew how to handle it. And so the fears melted away. I loved that tip. I’m glad I didn’t have to use it, but I was excited to use it if I needed to.
Sandy: I absolutely love that, and I’m going to put that in my back pocket because I’ve not had anybody tell me that. But when you think about it and we talked about it at the very beginning about being your authentic self, you know, I’m working with women on being their authentic self. So if I can’t be authentic with them and, you know, say, well, gosh, this is, you know, new to me. Yeah, you know, then why am I doing this? It’s a beautiful example to them of that authenticity. It’s okay. You don’t have to have all the answers.
Melinda: Yeah, that was a big switch for me because I used to think I had to know all the answers, and if I didn’t, I failed to. That was bad. What I reframed it to be is I had to know where to find the answers. That’s all I had to do. It doesn’t have to be all on my shoulders. And that was really freeing to help continue to create the container for that exploration so we didn’t get stuck. It’s like, okay, I’ll come back to you on that, and then here’s the next thing. Let’s move to the next thing that we can talk about and work on in this session.
Sandy: Absolutely.
Melinda: Now, for the skeptics out there, whether it’s the clients or even some of the coaches out there that are excited about this idea of self-discovery coaching, they want to be a self-discovery coach. They want to integrate it into their practice. I find a lot of people saying, well, you know, the inner work is not tangible, like the outer work. Like, we work with coaches in their business, they’re making more money tangible, making more clients tangible, growing their contact list tangible. Doing the inner work, it’s not so tangible. And so it’s kind of hard to measure that. Why would someone invest their time and resources in working with a self-discovery coach?
And really, I want to ask this for all the coaches out there that are thinking, well, that would be nice, I’d love to do that, but I don’t know how I can sell this or I don’t know how I can enroll clients to this, or I don’t know why anybody would pay for this. So why would somebody invest in working with a self-discovery coach? Can you share any surprising or maybe unconventional benefits that may not be immediately.
Sandy: Apparent, in my opinion, investing in any coach, you’re investing in yourself. And I think that’s where a lot of people have a difficult time investing in themselves for anything. But if you’re working on your internal, and I’ll speak for myself, I mean, I am much more relaxed with the work that I’ve done on myself. I’m much more relaxed. I’m much more happy. My relationships are better, speaking up for myself and learning those tools. So, for somebody who comes to me or whoever for coaching, it’s that same thing. Some of the benefits can be improvement in their relationships. So it’s going to be different for every person. But those are some of the intangibles.
You know, one of the things that, that I done, and I talked to my clients about this and, and I share it in my group, having a time for me every morning. The first thing I do when I get out of bed is I go in and I have my quiet time and I’m doing my meditation and I do journaling and I do a devotional. You know, sometimes maybe I add Reiki or tapping or, you know, whatever, because that’s my time. You get up five minutes earlier and take five minutes just for you with no interruptions. Because we have a tendency to put ourselves last if we put ourselves on the list at all.
And I know it sounds cliche, but you can’t pour from an empty cup, you know, and it’s just like when you’re on an airplane and they do their little safety spiel and they say if the oxygen mass drops, put yours on first before you help somebody else. It’s the same thing with self-discovery. You can’t be of help to other people if you yourself are not doing that internal work and spending that time and doing the self-care and all the things that go with it. Whatever self-care looks like for you, it’s not just bubble baths and getting your nails done, you know, it’s a myriad of things that feed your soul. And so it’s doing those things for you so that you can then be that help to other people.
Melinda: And that phrase right there that you just said, so you can. That’s one of the things that I find is such a valuable phrase when you’re dealing with the world of intangibles like self-discovery and the inner work that we do, the feelings, the emotions, the state of mind and all of that. I love always adding that phrase so you can, and then follow it with a be something, do something, or have something. And that so you can is what takes it from the internal to the external so that people can measure it, wrap their mind around it, and give value to it. Because in this world, a lot of people don’t give value still to the inner work. I think that’s changing, but I love that you said that. So you can phrase right there.
Now, Sandy, there’s a lot more that we could talk about with this topic, but I do want to summarize some of the things that we’ve shared so far today. I love that you took us right in at the very beginning into the areas of self because there are so many nooks and cracks, crannies and nuances to explore. And I love that you talked about. It’s about the inner work and so much of coaching. We only focus on the outer work, the external strategies, tactics, goals, milestones, accountability. But we have to do the inner work. And we talked about that conversation and the question, who do I need to be for these external goals to be a reality and how that can catapult us into that exploration.
We talked about some of the tools and resources that we can use and the importance of having that toolkit ready and available. And I love, love, love when you talked about how you prepare in advance and you’ve got an activity or an exercise for each client, each conversation, so that you’re prepared to help guide and navigate them, and at the same time you also let them lead the way. And we talked about that tip, the timing tip, schedule an hour. The session’s only 45 minutes, so you build that into your calendar so it’s effortless behind the scenes for you. We got into how do we put it out there so that people will be excited, see it as valuable, and will be excited to invest in it.
Sandy, do you have any parting words for our listeners?
Sandy: I have such a passion to help women live a life filled with confidence, purpose and fulfillment that they are excited to wake up to. And I think too many women don’t have that feeling. Their self-talk is probably their biggest downfall. You know, telling themselves, I suck at this or I, you know, it’s reframing that, and a coach can help you do that, but it’s noticing and reframing. And so those are, I think, two key elements for anybody, but particularly when it comes to self-discovery, is noticing what’s going on and then reframing it, practicing.
Melinda: Beautiful. Thank you for listening to this episode of Just Between Coaches. And also a big thank you to Sandy Bartlett for this incredible conversation. You can find out more about her at thesandybartlet.com. That’s the Sandy S-A-N-D-Y Bartlett B-A-R-T-L-E-T-T dot com. And also in the show notes, you’ll find links to our website and other resources such as the book Unconditionally You. And in that book, you’re going to find a QR code where you can download the accompanying workbook as well. Sandy, thank you so much for coming to this show.
Sandy: It is my pleasure. Thanks for having me, Melinda.
Melinda: I’m Melinda Cohan and you’ve been listening to Just Between Coaches. Just Between Coaches is part of the Mirasee FM podcast network, which also includes such shows as Course Lab. To catch the great episodes on Just Between Coaches, please follow us on Mirasee FM’s YouTube channel or your favorite podcast player. And if you enjoyed the show, please leave us a comment or a starred review. It’s the best way to help us get these ideas to more people. Thank you and see you next time.