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Change Your Business Attitude (And How To Start Being LOVED By The RIGHT People)

Do you try really hard to be liked by everyone; readers, customers, social media fans, your boss, family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, acquaintances, the postman…?

If so, you’re behaving like a suck up..

And no one likes suck ups.

Ask yourself this: do you really perceive yourself to be worth less than other people?

Because that’s how you are coming across. Now, I don’t believe it’s what you really want to be doing even if a small part of you believes it’s true. (Falsely!) If you don’t respect yourself, no-one else will be inclined to…

This kind of behaviour doesn’t affect just your personal life, it plays a big role in the success or failure of your business.

Act like a suck up and you will be marking yourself as a pleaser and will come across as though you are desperate to prove that you and your product or service are worth someone else’s attention.

Fear isn’t attractive on any level, and suck-up behaviour in the form of self-deprecation, fawning over clients, willingness to take less than you need etc. rings loudly of fear.

Even if it’s unintentional. Even if you’re trying to be nice. Even if you really do just want everyone to like you, or do the best job possible.

It’s no way to run a business.

QUALITY Always Wins Over Quantity.

You don’t need everyone to like you. You need the right people to like you.

This may sound a bit tough, but honestly, do you genuinely like everything and everyone in the world? Of course not. Neither does anyone else.

So start valuing your time and energy, by looking to connect with only the right people, who are the perfect fit for you. Their opinion matters, and they are the people you should court.

If you’re not totally sure you’ve got that part nailed, read on the Mirasee post on Finding your ONE Person because it’s imperative that you identify the perfect audience for you.

Stop TRYING so Hard

Now that you have your perfect customer firmly in mind you can stop trying so hard to make them like you – because if you’ve done your job in identifying them correctly, they will naturally!

What do people really fall in love with?

In business? The right actions.

The right actions for your business are all about creating relationships by being upfront, honest, responsive and interested. (Not clingy, overbearing, or self-deprecating, remember?)

What people are really attracted too is confidence – and it may surprise you, but what they fall in love with is vulnerability.

Wait a second – didn’t I just tell you not to be too subservient? Isn’t confidence the way to go?

Yes – but look at it this way:

Vulnerability is your inner-child. Your inner child can be scared at times but also can be curious, playful, joyful, loving, courageous and adventurous. It isn’t a weakness it’s the magic ingredient that makes us human, accessible and able to bond with other people.

Once you’ve established yourself as an expert in your industry and started building relationship with the people who will be your perfect customers, you can let them into your confidence further by showing them other parts of your personality. The soft parts. The parts they will not only relate to – but respect you for acknowledging.

When we take responsibility for our vulnerability or inner-child instead of disregarding and shaming it (which is pretty much what suck-up behaviour is!) we can use it to our benefit to reach out and invite others to connect with us by truthfully and boldly sharing what we have to offer, because we have nothing to hide.

Harness the Power of Fear, Belief and Intention – Confidently

Recently, I went fire-walking barefoot across burning hot coals for charity. Although this may seem like utter madness to you, it does give a rather good example of what I’m talking about.

Walking across 5 metres of coal burning at 589 degrees with bare skin is not a trick and yes you can burn. To successfully achieve the goal I needed three important qualities; FEAR, BELIEF and INTENTION.

I felt fear that I would get hurt, it was a logical fear of course, but I knew I wanted to step out of my comfort zone. By acknowledging and accepting my physical vulnerability and the FEAR that I could get hurt and feel pain, I could harness it into excitement and desire.

My INTENTION to succeed was based on the confidence in my own instinct to know what’s right for me, plus I was coached on the right ways to walk and breathe through it.

I chose to BELIEVE that I had what it took to reach the end goal and trusted that I was good enough for the challenge.

When my time came I was able to stride out into the fire with bold purpose, to fully enjoy the experience with a big smile and achieve success and yes it was amazing!

Remember YOU are great BECAUSE OF vulnerability and not in spite of it.

7 Steps to Changing Your Business Attitude from Neediness to Value

  1. Accept your vulnerabilities and any fears. Understand that not everyone needs like you.
  2. Be compassionate to yourself because often your fears and insecurities are based on real childhood sadness; even if you can’t remember it.
  3. Choose to respect and embrace your whole self; your INNER CHILD who wants to connect with other people and the ADULT you who has worked hard, has good skills and experience and can stand up and be counted among the people who are the best suited for them.
  4. Say YES to opportunities to share yourself and what you have to offer.
  5. Even if you can’t always see other people’s inner child or vulnerabilities, remember that they have them too, and you are meeting as equals.
  6. Relax, listen and give the space for other people to show you what they have to offer too, you might find some similarity, so you can create a mutual equal connection.

If anyone does say NO – don’t take it so personally it just means either you’re just not the right fit for each other, or it’s not the right time.

Bring your Best Self to Your Business

It is in our nature to want to connect with people who are confident and secure in who they are and we naturally want to join in with whatever they are doing and be inspired. It’s true for other people, and it’s true for you!

So use every interaction in your personal life and business as a marketing opportunity to promote yourself as the awesome, fun, interesting and valuable, incredibly skilled person you really are. You are worth getting to know and have a lot to offer. You don’t need to beg for attention – the right people will be happy to give it to you freely.

About Joanna Warwick

Joanna Warwick; Writer, Entrepreneur, Relationship/Family Therapist, standing up for adults to have fun, freedom & joy at Grown Up Kids Only. Download Danny's awesome and personal interview, as part of a series dedicated to personal development experts sharing their secrets to a happy adulthood.

13 thoughts on “Change Your Business Attitude (And How To Start Being LOVED By The RIGHT People)

  1. Thanks everyone at Firepole Marketing for having me here and letting me camp out.. I will be hanging around here for a few days to answer any questions or comments anyone has. I look forward to getting chatting to some cool people …:)

    • Hey Joanna, this is an interesting article about embracing the areas where you’re weakest and pressing on anyway. Those 7 steps have been printed out and will be referenced often. Thanks for this.

  2. This is a really useful and intuitive analysis of putting our inner emotions in our work and, rather than feeling fear of inadequacies and that taking over; refocusing that quality to work in our favour on a professional level.

    I like the seven tips. Easily remembered and used.

    Thanks for the insights and motivations.
    Bonnie

  3. Hey.
    What if my inner child was always willing to share without reciprocation? You know, some people just are “that way” and cannot be fixed because it is the default system for their character.
    You know, the old song: Freely, freely ye have received / Freely, freely give.

    I think I got smart, educated, and generous as a gift.

    How do I charge anyone for that?

  4. There’s a lot of meat here. Writers, especially beginning ones, once they realize they are just a very tiny fish in a sea of other authors have a tendency to panic and go all out trying to get those precious Likes and book reviews.

    I’ll be linking to this one. Thanks.

  5. Hi Katherine, I don’t think it should be fixed – as children we all naturally new how to give freely and still do and that’s wonderful .. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to receive too and be paid for bring you and what you do – Your gifts and skills may come freely to you but not to someone else. Sadly generally people put low worth on FREE unless they can perceive the value in it or your showing them you know the value ..often the buyer NEEDS to pay for something to give it value in their mind. So you know your awesome and what you have to offer is awesome whether you are giving it away for free or not, then your starting from a high value position and you have nothing to prove – unlike suck up behaviour which is about proving your worthy …
    So keep being awesome ..;)

  6. Jo, I love this! And it’s so timely, too.

    I’ve been going through job applications all day and some of the candidates are definitely trying too hard to please. They seem desperate, and that makes me feel like hiring them might not be a good idea.

    Your advice to recognise their own worth would have helped them win the job – I think I’ll send all the rejected candidates the link to this post!

  7. Good tips Joanna, one of life’s eternal mysteries is that many of us only learn how to put your tips into practice after we have already spent a big chunk of our lives being “Suck ups” in one or more ways.

    It took me until my 40 s to learn how to say no effectively and to learn that no matter what I did I would never be able to please all the people all the time. Since then I have worked at being contrarian, controversial and independent. Amazingly I have more fun and more interesting experiences now than ever before.

    For an example of letting the inner child and vulnerabilities define one, I would bet money that President Bill Clinton became more popular (and subsequently more highly paid as a speaker) after his activities with a young intern became public knowledge.

  8. Hi Peter, absolutely – I agree that often we have to have done something ‘wrong’ to know the right path for us ..that is why it is so important to be OK with trying things and making mistakes and learning from them without shame and with self forgiveness. I am pleased to hear it has brought you great freedom and fun by discovering self worth, respect and free will … Everything a Grown Up Kid is 😉

  9. Hi Joanna,

    I love your take on loving yourself and not selling yourself short.

    I’m a new writer who is still trying to build contacts and a client base. Most of the offers I get are way to low for self respect and the working conditions just not conducive. I’m surprised that some writers are willing to accept such conditions from writing firms but there it is.

    Your post is very timely as I am sometimes tempted to take less than what I want (so i can pay the bills) but it wouldn’t be any different from a day job where you’re just working for peanuts. I don’t wan to hate the very thing that excites me by being a sell out.

    Gloria

  10. I wanted to stand on my chair and shout, “Yes, Yes, YES!” when you said “not everyone need like you”. That is one of the biggest barriers to a successful business. You cannot sell to everybody. Even Walmart can’t sell to everybody. So narrow it down, hone in, and talk to the people you really want to talk to. If you tamp down the greed you will find you actually make more money.

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